I can’t believe that a movie as boring as Bokeh (2017, currently on Netflix) exists. I also can’t believe that I actually watched the entire thing without falling asleep. To be fair, the movie’s premise had the potential to be somewhat interesting. On a trip to Iceland, a young couple (Jenai and Riley) awake to find that everyone else in the world has disappeared. Unfortunately, it takes real talent to make an interesting movie that contains only two characters and there was absolutely no evidence of any talent within 10 light years of this film.
Normally, when it comes to a movie’s soundtrack, unless it's very special, I don’t pay much attention to it. But with Bokeh…the music is so omnipresent and odious, and the film so dull, that I can tell you that music is playing constantly for the first 16 minutes of the movie and I will remember that fact for the rest of my life. I wanted to rip my ears off, but I figured that I was already enduring enough torture. Nearly as bad, the script is too banal to even be entertainingly bad. The first 10 minutes of this one-hour, thirty-one minute, and eight-second movie are spent trying to prove to the audience that Jenai and Riley truly do love each other before they are the only two people in the world. I understand that it’s necessary for viewers to get a feel for the dynamics of their relationship, but if people don’t want to spend 10 minutes of their real lives watching some of the most boring public displays of affection ever, why the hell would they want to watch it onscreen?
And the characters…I’ve rarely encountered such generic stereotypes of upper-middle class white American Millennials, regardless of how bad a show or movie is. If I gave you 10 chances, I bet you could figure out Riley’s job, but I’ll tell you anyways just to speed up the process of me never having to think about this movie again: he’s a moderately talented photographer who refuses to use digital photography equipment of any type. He’s also a damn fool, so his stubborn refusal to use modern photographic equipment is kind of fitting. Janai is slightly more interesting because she has some common sense, but she’s so repetitive and her supposedly deep thoughts are so shallow, that I began praying that a meteor would fall directly on the town she and Riley were living in, obliterating them both and the entire world with them. No such luck. Fundamentally, the problem with Bokeh is that it wants to be a treatise on the purpose of existence, but it tries to do so through the most vapid, uninteresting characters that could possibly be created. Maybe that’s one of the points of the movie, but who can tell when you’re overwhelmed by the desire to put your foot through your screen, just so something interesting will have happened.
The only thing that Bokeh has going for it is that Iceland is beautiful so there is some lovely scenery...where absolutely nothing occurs. If I wanted to see a tourism commercial for Iceland though, I could just go online and watch a 30 second clip instead of a film that felt like it would never end. In short, I despise this movie. I would rather eat an entire avocado (the food that I despise above all others) than watch this piece of trash again. It’s far and away the least interesting movie that I’ve seen this year and I definitely don’t recommend it to anyone. Ever. Under any circumstances.
I have no clue what I'm doing, but I'll keep doing whatever it is to the best of my ability.