By Dave B.
Seven in Heaven (2018, currently on Netflix) follows two high school students, Jude and June, who get transported to an alternate dimension during a party. The pair find themselves fighting for their lives in a universe where Jude is accused of murdering his teenage tormentor and June is nearly murdered by her sister. As they struggle to get home, Jude and June must battle against warped versions of the people they know and love before they become trapped in a world that is seemingly designed to punish those who have the misfortune to stumble upon it.
This could have been a decent movie, but it leans too heavily on suspense and not enough on sense, as in, it makes no sense. Seven in Heaven is legitimately entertaining and moderately interesting. But it’s fundamentally pointless. The quality of this movie slowly, but inexorably, goes downhill because fundamentally, it doesn’t have a compelling reason to exist. Not every movie has to have some transcendent meaning, but most of them should at least have a plot that consists of more than playing with a somewhat interesting concept for 94 minutes. Even some sort of theme would have been nice. Instead, there’s running and chasing and hiding, leavened with some humor (which was a nice touch, I admit). That’s it.
I wanted to like Seven in Heaven. I really did. But more than wanting to like it, I wanted to understand this movie. I wanted answers. Explanations. Hell, even theories would have been nice. But Seven in Heaven provides none of those. It has no payoff at all. Because of that, it’s better suited to a half-hour television show than a feature-length film. I didn’t hate Seven in Heaven, but I’m not recommending it, because it’s safe to say that if you pass on this one, you won’t be missing much.
I have no clue what I'm doing, but I'll keep doing whatever it is to the best of my ability.