By Dave B.
In The Humanity Bureau (2018, currently on Netflix) the world has suffered economic and climatological devastation. Nicolas Cage plays Noah Kross, a bureaucrat/agent for America’s newest federal organization, the Humanity Bureau. The Bureau is tasked with deporting those citizens who consume more than they produce, a seeming necessity in an era when all resources, especially food and clean water, are scarce. When Kross is forced to deport a woman and her (extremely annoying) young son, he begins to question the morality of his work. He soon discovers that the Humanity Bureau has a secret agenda that forces him to take action against his colleagues to help a woman that he hardly knows.
Regardless of what one thinks of Cage as an actor, it’s got to be admitted that he’s more than willing to pick some unconventional scripts that are conceptually interesting. The Humanity Bureau could be considered to fall into that category. The concept of the Bureau is interesting, and if written more capably, this could have been a fascinating movie. I’ll also say (without giving spoilers) that the end of the movie is pretty dope. It was surprising and refreshing (for the most part) and stands in stark contrast to the rest of the film.
That’s because The Humanity Bureau is terrible. It’s 94 minutes long, but it feels like it lasts for over 3 hours. The plot is dull, meandering, incoherent, and filled with inexplicable and unexplained actions. The dialogue is juvenile at best and more often, completely incompetent. The action sucks. None of the characters (except for Kross) are remotely likable, highlighted by one of the most annoying child characters of the year. The kid isn’t just stupid. He whines, complains, plays with guns and fire, and just generally is a nuisance on top of being grating in every possible way. The most entertaining part of the whole movie (in retrospect) is when that little bastard falls off of a roof and almost dies.
A lot of bad movies are weak in multiple areas, but particularly bad in one, whether that be shoddy writing or poor acting or a terrible score. The Humanity Bureau, manages to be spectacularly bad in all of those areas, which is the most amazing thing about the movie by far. In short, The Humanity Bureau is a bad movie and it’s a damn shame that an actor of Cage’s renown is in it. Even the most devoted Nicolas Cage fans should avoid this movie.
I have no clue what I'm doing, but I'll keep doing whatever it is to the best of my ability.