By Dave B.
I’m not going to sugarcoat it. The Boy (2016, currently on Netflix) is supposed to be a horror movie set in rural England. However, instead of being a horror movie set in rural England, it’s just terrible. Not the kind of terrible that is fascinating despite itself. It’s the kind of terrible that makes one question how anyone involved with the writing and production of this movie is still employed. Do not watch this movie under any circumstances.
There’s a lot to dislike about The Boy. The acting is subpar except for Lauren Cohan (of The Walking Dead fame), who’s talent is wasted on this drivel. Visually, the movie is dull, which is all the more disappointing considering that the setting SHOULD be terrifying. But it’s not. The creepy house isn’t creepy. The potentially haunting landscape is barely shown. There’s nothing to distract from the terrible script. And the script…this is possibly the worst written horror movie I’ve ever seen. Worse than low-budget horror movies. Worse than student films. In all seriousness, this movie felt like it was written by one of those AI programs that has analyzed every horror movie ever made, but doesn’t understand any of it so it just threw a bunch of themes and words together. The movie’s “twist” makes the movie even more garbage than the garbage it otherwise would have been. None of the characters behaved in a way that felt realistic. Someone could be drunk, high, and naturally stupid, and still have their actions be more comprehensible than those of most of the characters in this movie.
I can’t stress enough how much I don’t recommend this movie. Lauren Cohan was in it. It was less than 100 minutes long. Those are the only positive things that I have to say about it. If you’ve ever agreed with any review I’ve ever written, do not watch this movie.
I have no clue what I'm doing, but I'll keep doing whatever it is to the best of my ability.