By Dave B.
In Michael Bay’s 6 Underground (Netflix), a team of people have faked their deaths to free themselves to take down some of the world’s most brutal dictators and warlords. They begin their task by attempting to stage a coup against the leader of the fictional country of Turgistan, who regularly bombs his own people with chemical weapons.
6 Underground perfectly exemplifies most of Michael Bay’s career: all style, zero substance. There are the obligatory explosions and lens flares, the chaotically evil villain, and beautiful people doing beautiful people things. In and of itself, a movie that is all fluff can be entertaining, even if it isn’t good. But 6 Underground lost me within minutes due to sloppy editing when a slow-motion shot of the heroes’ car shows the vehicle’s side mirror getting knocked off and then two seconds later, the car is shown driving down the road, completely intact, mirror in place. I can tolerate a bad movie (except for Bokeh), but I can’t stand sloppiness or laziness in editing movies, especially in big budget ones.
Things don’t get much better from there and not even Ryan Reynolds’ characteristic charm can elevate this movie much above garbage status. The dialogue is bad, the action is often implausible enough to be funny instead of impressive, and most of the humor falls flat. Individually, most of the parts of this movie don’t work and taken as a whole, 6 Underground is just a mess.
If you want to lower your IQ, I suggest taking up heavy drinking instead of watching 6 Underground. Yes, watching this movie is less expensive than two hours of drinking, but you’re more likely to enjoy yourself by tying one on than you are by trying to watch more inane drivel from Michael Bay. Yes, 6 Underground is better than most of the “Transformers” sequels, but so is accidentally stepping on a nail, as the pain is over more quickly. In other words, I don’t recommend this movie to anyone and as a species, we should start to consider not watching any more new Michael Bay movies at all. Ever.
I have no clue what I'm doing, but I'll keep doing whatever it is to the best of my ability.