By Dave B.
In Transformers: The Last Knight (2017, currently on Amazon Prime) the Earth is being inundated with wave after wave of Transformers falling from space, prompting the governments of the planet to form a task force that hunts down and destroys the machines. Meanwhile, Optimus Prime makes his way back to his wrecked homeworld of Cybertron where he encounters his creator. In order to restore his home, Optimus commits himself to the destruction of Earth. But his creator hides a deeper secret, one that goes to the root of the Transformers’ long interactions with our planet.
I didn’t want to watch Transformers: The Last Knight because I’ve fallen asleep during every Transformers movie except for the first one. Well, that streak is now broken. By some miracle, I managed to stay wake through this entire 154 minute pile of garbage. It’s boring as hell. Michael Bay isn’t even trying with the special effects anymore. The robot fights are terribly dull and extremely hard to follow. Even Bay’s signature explosions are second-rate. And the writing…I can’t remember the last time I’ve encountered lazier plotting and dialogue. This movie is a case study in half-assing everything, but not caring because you’re going to make tons of money anyway.
In conclusion, this franchise needs to be tossed into a gutter, shot, and set ablaze. But it won’t be. This shitshow made over $600M worldwide, so we’re likely stuck with these garbage piles passing themselves off as movies for another million years. And because someone will inevitably ask me to review them, I’ll force myself to watch them. But you don’t have to. Even if you get drunk and decide that watching this movie might be a good idea, don’t do it. Because for every second that you’re watching this trash, you’ll be losing piece of your soul. If you want to watch a somewhat crappy robot fighting movie, you're better off spending your time on Pacific Rim: Uprising instead.
I have no clue what I'm doing, but I'll keep doing whatever it is to the best of my ability.